4th August 2018
I am a very very very angry person. It takes only a splinter of a second to ignite my anger and takes just as much to make me berate at people.
Worse, having him around with constant criticism around the clock isn’t helping much.
I must remember all of my lessons.
I will never be the person with blood parents and blood siblings.
Accept that I will never have christmas, holidays, with my blood family, ever again.
Accept that I had to go through shits to understand life.
Accept that I must work hard to earn my way in life.
Accept that I must learn to accept and let go.
Accept that I may only lean only on myself solely for some time.
Accept that my life isn’t fortunate.
I do come from a good family, trying to belittle it to satisfy office cruel gossips isn’t solving the problem.
Being humble, still proud of it, is the solution.
Being shut about it, but show the weightage of my upbringing, is the solution.
Forgetting the grumbles and the gossips, rising above those, are the solutions.
Making friends in the high places, that can pull me into the right areas, are the right solutions.
Upping my standard is the solution.
I sought acceptance, validation, praise, acknowledgement. I won’t get those from anywhere else, but inside me, as this is how I chose my life. If this is the resort that I can only have, then this will be it.
I actually sought promotions. So, if I don’t get those, find ways to get it.
I want …
> respected by others
- I will speak carefully, mean what I say, say what I meant.
- Be comfortable, be confident but not pompous or entitled.
- Dig deep, into myself.
- Act mature and wise.
> In the office:
- come early, think through of the bigger picture, the outcome and what it takes (the routes) to get there, weigh the benefits of each route,
- win supports from people,
gain friends – true friends.
- be a true friend!
- be careful nonetheless.
- speak only what is necessary and important to be said.
- make people proud to be seen with you < act properly, dress properly.
1st July 2018
One of the very first thing to overcome to succeed in life is your flaw (if I remember correctly, Warren Buffet or Napoleon Hill says this).
Mine is though an endless list, the first five are:
- Discipline – it must come from the mindset first. A must do, won’t be done unless there is a propelling reason to do it consistently.
- Problem solving skills. My brain works rather differently, I do have certain challenges in problem solving. I need someone who can problem solve with me. So that I can do it eventually on my own.
- Self control, impulse management.
- Emotional management.
What I project to people must be right.I have a good heart, good mind, good thinkings, but all are projected incorrectly.
- non verbal: looks, composure, etc
Somewhere in the wiring, I did not convey what I sincerely feel and think.
I must be confident enough, comfortable enough with me (with the past) to convey me, to my audience.
I must love myself enough to convey me in a nice package to my audience.
I must respect myself enough to present me in a good standing to my audience.
I already cut ties with the past where by the opposite was held high.
So, to learn
I am confident enough, comfortable enough with me (with the past) to convey me, to my audience.I must love myself enough to convey me in a nice package to my audience.I must respect myself enough to present me in a good standing to my audience.
Cultivating positive mindsets about people, will yield positive results.
I guess with a lot of bad experiences in life, my perception of people and life hurt a little. What I have learned, to accept I have terrible experiences thus far, people have treated me terribly, because of (…, …,. .. which are my lessons in life), but I won’t give in and be negative. I will be wary, remember my lessons, but will stay positive because I want to welcome positive experiences into my life.
This is what I must plant.
Forgive those who have done bad thingsAccept the bad pastRemember the lessonsWatch, love and respect yourself and remember the lessons
Lessons so far with people
- guard or limit what I tell people
- blend in
- build rapport, build positive rapport, to prevent attacks
- get defences from seniors or those in power
- logic wins
- be trustworthy
- look matters
I am pretty awful with self control and emotional management. But I am pretty rational and logical, as an accountant. So, in the event of I am tempted to act irrationally, whereby I know the consequence isn’t dire, but not good, I shall find a means to an end, because I know I will try to do something to end the irritation. In the good way.
If let’s say I have an itch to do something not good, but I have to satisfy that itch (eating chocolate), I’d rather do it but do it on a good chocolate.
If I have an itch to tell someone something that annoys me, and it is just to say that, I will say it, but the right way so the harm will be trivial instead of just a little. I will ease my negative annoyance, I will frame the right way of saying it, I will frame the outcome I want, I will look for the right time, and I will say it properly with those goals in mind. It may all sound obvious to normal people, but people from my background, it isn’t.